Guest post by Mandy Rees [1], founder of Next Generation Women in Law
Rees: Women say different things when men aren’t in the room
How many men do you know in the legal profession?
Think about it. For the last decade, what was a traditionally macho universe has seen women take up a majority of roles in law firms. Women now outnumber men in the profession. But they vanish before they reach the top.
Women flood in at the bottom and disappear before the partner floor.
This isn’t an attack on men, but it is a wake-up call for the industry. Yes, structural sexism is a male problem. But it’s also about recognising how women inadvertently perpetuate these structures and highlighting the men who actively step up to change it.
Earlier this month, in front of a packed crowd of lawyers in Birmingham, I invited some of those men onto a stage to field some tough questions. The goal? To replace lazy stereotypes with effective advocacy and create a space where honest dialogue can thrive.
How can men, as one male panellist put it, “get out of the way of people coming up through the ranks?”
Most of these conversations only happen after the men leave the room. It was refreshing to have them with men in it.
Twenty years ago, I was the one having those whispered chats – a high-powered commercial lawyer operating in a masculine way, spinning plates, closing deals, no-nonsense and hard-talking.
Yet behind closed doors, I was struggling. Trying to do it like I was ‘one of the boys’ was exhausting.
In law, the mask women wear to fit in is very masculine. It only slips when the men leave the room – not from fear, but because the culture demands it.
Young male trainees feel entitled to take up space; societal norms still exist to demonise female advocacy. Female colleagues and I watched as male associates were promoted while brilliant women slipped through the net. Children came along and the fearless became tireless, juggling the impossible.
I ask all women working in law firms today: what is your superpower above your KPIs? For working mums, finding anything extra is almost impossible. Fathers face the same structural trap: feeling unwelcome to take paternity leave. It’s structural, not personal.
And it isn’t just a man problem. Women had a part to play too. We allowed unfairness to exist because we didn’t understand our own value or draw clear boundaries.
There were breaking points for me. Moments that forced a pause and a reframe. As one panellist put it: celebrate yourself, celebrate your differences and recognise what that brings to the table.
The numbers tell you why it matters. Grant Thornton found that 77% of men believe they’re doing everything they can to support gender fairness at work but only 41% of women agree. That’s two groups of people living in completely different realities, in the same firms.
In law, women make up 55% of solicitors yet hold just 35% of full-equity partner positions. Something is happening between qualifying and the partner floor, and it is not because they stopped being good lawyers.
The higher roles are structurally unfit for how women work. Square pegs, round holes. Here’s the truth: law firms have not thought about what happens in 20 years’ time, when women still make up the majority but are still leaving at the same rate.
As the pool of senior men shrinks, there will not be enough experienced lawyers to fill the gaps. This is a succession crisis and firms treating it as a diversity add-on will feel it.
The job of male allies is to recognise potential and propel women to that place, through formal mentoring where dialogue is honest and authentic. If you aren’t supporting the people under you and future-proofing your business, you aren’t doing your job well.
What struck me most was how many people already knew this. Women have been saying these things in corridors for years, never able to say them in a meeting without being labelled difficult. Men worry about saying the wrong thing. So nothing changes.
I built this event to break that particular silence. This was never about pointing fingers or alienating men. Women say different things when men aren’t in the room. That’s just true.
This was a space to say those things anyway, with men present, because if we actually want anything to change, we have to start having these conversations with the people who still hold most of the cards.
And they came, bringing male colleagues deliberately. Understanding doesn’t grow through policy documents. It grows over breakfast, when someone tells you what it’s like to watch a promotion go to someone else again.
Culture isn’t a tagline. It’s a feeling, enforced by real behaviours. I left our panel event more convinced than ever that this can’t be a one-off. The breakfast was the beginning.
I’m now building workshops and training for firms who want to go further than a single conversation. If you were in that room, thank you.
If you weren’t, and you lead a firm that says it cares about retaining its women, ask yourself: have you created anywhere for these conversations to happen? For most firms, the answer is nowhere. And that has to change before the profession wears out all of its capable women.